THE DIFFERENT REMEDIES
Some scientific studies show that medicine can not completely treat the patients. So, they should try to find out new methods. Therefore, they may use the collection of different cultures called ‘alternative medicine’ to help the patients. It usually works. In addition, some remedies called alternative medicine will usually help the patients recover their illness and maket hem feel beter. They should be good and effective treatment ways.
There are many ways to feel ourselves better with some treatments. For example, studies show that acupuncture, hypnotize, relaxing activities may be used for feeling or getting better. They came from Far Easten Countries. Plus, they are becoming common. What’s more, some herbal mixtures could be drunk to reduce the pain and to improve our health. In generally, herbal mixtures are used in South America and in some South Africa countries. Furthermore, we should do some exercises to keep fit and health. Some of them could be team sports or some of them could be an individual sports. Some sports were national and then they became union. Therefore, all the world know and do them. For example, yoga is Chinese sport, but then it became union and also today it is used for physical treatment.
Consequently there are many effective ways to improve our bodies and healt by the help of the alternative medicine. Because, sometimes only medicine treatments don’t work.
AYŞE BALIN
YanıtlaSilYour essay's language is good. There isn't any problem with grammer.
But there is a problem in terms of organization. Your intro, background and conclusion paragraph are irregular. Your supporting details are also inadequate. You can add some extra information or examples to your body paragraph. And also, you had better change your conclusion part because it is not to come to a conclusion.
Content is good but not perfect. As I wrote, if you can add some extra things, your essay can be perfect.